Excerpt from Chapter 3, "Life is Like a Game of Cards"

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Chapter three begins with Ravi's heritage and how his parents settled in the United States.  As his family unit began to crumble, he found his grounding in the arts, which is where this excerpt begins. 

While my parents were losing themselves in anger and sadness, I was finding myself in curiosity and creativity. I grew disenchanted with the corporate lifestyle my family represented and started to dream that one day, I would become a rock star. Pleased that I was showing an interest in something, my mother bought me an electric guitar for my eleventh birthday. I was not particularly interested in becoming a musician, but I enjoyed making lots of noise in my bedroom, pretending to be Angus Young of AC/DC on stage in New York’s Madison Square Garden.

Between the tensions at home and my new distraction with music, going to school became increasingly unrelatable and unenjoyable. I had friends, but being shorter and browner than average, not to mention having a name no one could easily pronounce, I felt like an outcast. I was bored with classes and probably harbored inner rage toward my family life, which made me increasingly insubordinate in school. Eventually, the principal grew tired of having me sent to his office, so he assigned me to the school psychologist.

This was my “happy place” in primary school—the more disturbed I claimed to be, the more “parole” I received. Playing card games and building battleship models with him was my preferred way to pass the school day. I cannot say he helped me sort out life, but the sessions certainly helped me tolerate it.

Unfortunately, dedicated school psychologists are rare today. School counselors (a title combining both guidance and psychological counseling) are being asked to perform both career/educational guidance and mental health evaluations—two separate specializations requiring different expertise.

As I discovered a few years ago while preparing to give the keynote for the All Ohio Counselors Conference (comprised of about two thousand school counselors and an equal number of clinical counselors), this combined job cannot serve students well enough given today’s high degree of social-emotional stress and a rapidly changing career landscape. Students who are facing challenges like I did are more likely to fall through the cracks.

My parents’ divorce was finalized three weeks before my 13th birthday, and that summer, my mother and I moved to a much smaller house fifteen minutes away in Old Greenwich. I had to attend a new school, make new friends, and embark on a new and frightening beginning. I quickly made a few new friends in middle school who shared a common interest in music, so we started a band. With this collaboration and camaraderie, my interest in music grew. By the time I reached high school, all I wanted to do was drop out and play music professionally.

I had a good group of school friends, but I was also often bullied by others for being a “headbanger” (I listened to AC/DC, Van Halen, Judas Priest, Kiss, etc.) and was called names like “ravioli” and “Gandhi”—yes, I was apparently already very international!  However, the bullying gave me grit, which helped prepare me for the world. While we should not encourage such behavior, we also should not shelter children from the “school of life.”

There were two reasons why I did not drop out of high school: Anne Modugno, who taught electronic music and music theory, and Carmel Signa, who was the jazz band director. I was lucky to have them in my life because drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol were often used and abused by my peers to get through the pressures of growing up in Greenwich. For me, music became my drug, and Anne and Carmel were my schoolyard dealers. They recognized, encouraged, and fostered my interest to the point where the escape the school psychologist provided for me in primary school was more than replaced by the music department in high school. I spent every free period and many after school hours with Anne and Carmel, and they always made time for me to learn as much as I could.

I reconnected with them thirty years later when I began giving keynotes for education conferences and reflecting on who influenced my life. They remembered me as a musically dedicated teenager and very much believed in me. Today, I can call them friends. It is remarkable how teacher-student relationships can pivot into adult friendships, and what gives me great satisfaction is that I not only realized how essential they were to my happiness and success, but I have personally been able to thank them. The music department is why I am not a high school dropout.

Parents should encourage their children to express gratitude toward teachers. Doing so teaches students to recognize the value of their education. Even if many years have passed, teachers will still appreciate acknowledgment from their students, especially since they will also then be able to witness the results. Since I taught music for many years, I know how much it means to witness the success of a student and be acknowledged for contributing to it. Teachers generally do not see the results of their hard work because the return on education is rarely evident before ten years have passed.

The chapter continues, demonstrating the importance of outside adult influences who open doors and provide insights and education that goes far beyond the classroom.  Each chatper also concludes with "suggested pivots."  Here are a few that are listed at the end of this chapter:

Suggested Pivots from Chapter 3

• Encourage gratitude. Parents should encourage children to express gratitude toward teachers, even if many years have since passed. This is not only encouraging to teachers, but also teaches students to recognize the value of their education.
• Provide many electives. Schools must provide something for everyone. There must be at least one subject that makes each student want to come to school every day.
• Emphasize arts: STEAM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Arts, and Math) is critical because there is nothing else that teaches empathy, and there is nothing more important than empathy to create a peaceful world. Also consider STREAM (recess).
• Create a family/school partnership. Families and schools must coordinate and collaborate in both ideology and schedules to best educate the “whole child.” Parents must not view school as a babysitter, and schools must not view family time as an opportunity to impose homework.
• Promote efficiency over perfect. Perfectionism is a form of procrastination. Teach children to be efficient by setting the example in our own activities and taking every opportunity to show them the rewards of good time management.
• Focus on less, not more. Today’s students have so much in terms of tools and devices that problem-solving and creativity are stifled. Educators can stimulate creativity by occasionally restricting the tools.
• Use boredom as a catalyst for creativity. Allow kids to experience boredom and hardship to discover their passions early. Passion is infectious, and parents, teachers, and other adult influences are likely to support and invest in a child’s passion.
• Teach how to discover opportunities. We only uncover opportunities if we are curious and confident enough to engage in conversations that may have no clear benefit. Curiosity and communication are critical skills. Then, one must feel prepared to seize an opportunity which is where talent and critical thinking come into the equation. Either one has the ability or concludes that one can rise to the occasion.

Preorder your autographed copy now, get it first, and save 20%!  Click here

Ravi has finished his new book, PIVOT, due to be released before the end of the year.  Learn all about it here: https://raviunites.com/publications

Other News and Announcements

Ravi is currently available for both in-person and virtual online keynotes.  Click here to learn more about both of these (and see his video specifically on Virtual Keynotes).
https://raviunites.com/keynotes

A number of school districts have inquired about online convocations.  If you are interested in having Ravi deliver your 2020 or 2021 school convocation keynote, please send us a message through our contact page, https://raviunties.com/contact/.

Excerpt from Chapter 2, "World Peace is Possible ... If We Make it Profitable"

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Chapter two begins in Iraq with Ravi working with four students from Mosul just released by ISIS days before. He then goes to teach in Beirut, Lebanon, and during a dangerous excursion to Baalbek on the border of Syria, he encounters Hezbollah while trying to avoid ISIS, which is where the excerpt below begins.

As we crossed from the Christian to the Muslim side of the Beqaa Valley, we were stopped by an armed soldier standing on the side of the street. He spoke briefly to my driver in Arabic and then got into the front seat of our car. No one acknowledged me in the back, but I was quickly becoming very aware of the Mother Mary pendant hanging from the rearview mirror as we drove away. These two would not even agree on the same God! My heart pounded rapidly.

They spoke animatedly in Arabic, and I wondered what the conversation was about. Did they realize I was an American? Were they negotiating a deal for my being taken as a hostage? Twenty minutes later, we pulled over to a little hut on the side of the street, and the soldier got out. He tapped on my window. I reluctantly rolled it down and attempted to crack an innocent and friendly smile when he asked, “Café?”

While I was trying to determine the best answer, another man approached the car, waving what appeared to be the Hezbollah flag. It turned out to be a Hezbollah T-shirt, which he was hoping to sell me. Who knew these “terrorists” were so enterprising? I gently shook my head, keeping my mouth shut to hide my American accent. By doing so, I politely declined the coffee and T-shirt (which would have been a fantastic souvenir except for the stress of trying to pass it through US customs!), so my driver restarted the car, and the two of us resumed the journey. Sensing my great relief, he made eye contact with me in his rearview mirror and said,  “Don’t worry. He is Muslim, and I am a Christian. But first, we are both Lebanese.”

In retrospect, I believe the solider was just getting a ride from one checkpoint to the next, but this simple yet profound statement of unity encapsulated many life lessons. My own implicit bias, to begin with, had me wondering if I was the subject of a negotiation. Had I been more open-minded, I might have saved my heart from skipping a few beats. Fear can cause irrational behavior, and when the fear is unjustified (as is often the case in racial and cultural conflicts), the consequences can be unnecessarily harmful.

However, the more global lesson is that if such drastic differences can be overcome between Muslims and Christians, why can’t Democrats and Republicans remember we are all first Americans? Can we teach this to Hindus and Muslims, Israelis and Palestinians, Iraqis and Kurds, Russians and Ukrainians, Straight and Gay, and Black and White? Yes, we can. Cultural competence can and must be taught, and this can be done by first exploring commonalities and then provoking curiosity and civil conversation about our differences.

We soon arrived in Baalbek, and I felt as if I had stepped into a time machine. This city of massive ruins was nothing short of awesome, yet it was also eerie and uncomfortable because no one else was there. Due to the warnings about ISIS and Hezbollah, Baalbek had pretty much become a ghost town. After two hours of walking and climbing through sweltering heat, I sat alone for almost an hour in the ancient and majestic Temple of Bacchus. Its beauty, size, history, and sheer peacefulness mesmerized me, though I was intellectually aware that I was also in one of the most dangerous parts of the world.

While contemplating the juxtaposition of these two realities, my serenity was interrupted by modern technology—breaking news buzzing on my cell phone. Violence had erupted, but it was domestic terrorism on the other side of the world. Ironically, it was happening in my hometown of Charlottesville, Virginia, USA.

On August 12, 2017, white supremacists from Ohio traveled to Charlottesville to protest the removal of Confederate statues. One of General Robert E. Lee sits in our city’s center. The protestors were also gathering to unify the American white nationalist movement when one of them drove his car into a crowd of counter-protesters. A 32-year-old woman was killed, and two responding police officers also perished in a helicopter crash.

Best known for being the home of three American presidents (Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, and James Monroe), along with Jefferson’s University of Virginia, “Charlottesville” has now become a metaphor for white supremacy and racial tension. How ironic that I was having one of the most peaceful days of my life in what is thought to be the most radicalized part of the world when radicalism was unfolding on my doorstep at home.

I returned to Charlottesville from the Middle East with three strong beliefs:

• Cultural competence is the most important skill for the future
• Education is the solution to all the world’s problems
• World peace is possible

As idealistic as “educating for peace” sounds, it is now pragmatic. I believe we will witness the unprecedented simultaneous rise of Gross Domestic Product (GDP) and unemployment as technology replaces human workers, along with some type of Universal Basic Income (perhaps in the form of a zero or negative tax rate) to keep the consumer-driven economy afloat. If anticipated by education, the significant amount of human capital released from...

The chapter continues, explaining how technology will redefine society, exploring ways to teach peace, as well as how we can make peace profitable.

Preorder your autographed copy now, get it first, and save 20%!  Click here

Ravi has finished his new book, PIVOT, due to be released before the end of the year.  Learn all about it here: https://raviunites.com/publications

Other News and Announcements

Ravi is currently available for both in-person and virtual online keynotes.  Click here to learn more about both of these (and see his video specifically on Virtual Keynotes).
https://raviunites.com/keynotes

A number of school districts have inquired about online convocations.  If you are interested in having Ravi deliver your 2020 or 2021 school convocation keynote, please send us a message through our contact page, https://raviunties.com/contact/.

While we can lament the lack of "normality" of formal education during this COVID-19 pandemic, we might also be missing and overlooking some of the unseen benefits of education that are happening with learning at home. This unique setting provides an opportunity for parents to enhance their children's education at home during the COVID-19 pandemic.

Four Key Educational Opportunities

Balancing Chores with Schoolwork - A Lesson in Time Management

The easy excuse for most kids when it comes to family chores can be "no time, busy with school." However, this is the time to teach that having "no time" is a choice, and time management is a skill.  Domestic tasks like making beds and emptying the dishwasher are great opportunities to teach children time management skills while balancing these chores with schoolwork.

Some psychologists say that children are so stressed right now because of COVID (this article by Reuters says psychologists believe the pandemic to be traumatic to children), so now is not the time to add more to their plate.  I fear that following such advice may be a missed opportunity in the sense that it is not adding more to their plate, but teaching them how to manage their plate.  Balancing schoolwork with chores and other responsibilities is the perfect opportunity for children to learn the critical life skill of time management. One needs to be flexible, but one need not be an enabler of laziness and procrastination.

Family as a Team

It is important to recognize that kids are under greater stress and suffering from a lack of social interaction.  Parents can teach them that they are also not the only ones enduring stress.  Parents are also suffering, so it takes a team, and a family needs to work as a team.

One way to teach children this given that kids are not seeing their friends often, is by asking them, "What if your friend was scared of getting COVID?  What would you tell him or her?"  This is a way to use the current situation to generate and teach empathy by encouraging children to consider scenarios outside of their own feelings and activities.

The family must also utilize interpersonal communication skills to function and exist peacefully in the home while under stay-at-home orders.  Tight spaces and long hours under one roof can cause anxiety and disruption unless conflicts are met head-on and time is taken to learn to resolve these conflicts in a healthy way.

Family engagement in education has increased during this time and presents a great opportunity for students to also connect with family culture.  An article by Axios.com,  Coronavirus Reshapes American Families says, "Enduring hardships together builds stronger connections." The article goes on to say that several families surveyed claim the COVID-19 pandemic made them closer than ever. One family said, "We spend much less time on electronics and more time together.  I think it's a product of schooling the kids from home as well as home becoming the new all-in-one."

Families working together as a team has also given children a new creative edge.  From finding quiet space for study and Zoom meetings to finding ways to exercise at home and perhaps even stand in as a barber or nail technician, the COVID-19 pandemic has influenced creativity in children while at home.

Learning about Parents' Work Life and "The Real World"

Students are also learning vicariously through watching and experiencing what parents are doing and how they handle life and work.  In many cases, students might not have intimately known what a parent really does during the day, but now they listen in on team meetings, client problem-solving, as well as see parents juggle laundry, grocery ordering, and meal preparation.  

This article from the Washington Post addresses the impact parent's work-from-home experience during COVID-19 has had on children:  'Seeing a parent's professional identity — skillfully leading a Zoom meeting, getting treated respectfully by co-workers and being important in the corporate context — can have a profound impact. 'Children are getting glimpses into [their parents'] professional lives right now in a way that we've never seen before, and there's a huge opportunity here for learning, sharing, growth and connectedness — both for kids and for parents,' said Neha Chaudhary, psychiatrist at Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital, and co-founder of Brainstorm, the Stanford Lab for Mental Health Innovation.'

Cross-Generational Actions Increase

Parents should not barricade themselves in a home office all day, as the world has grown accustomed to the "new normal" of children interrupting the Zoom meeting…this is not only ok and acceptable, but it helps redefine corporate culture and cross-generational dialogue.  Kids see what mom and dad do and the boss sees what challenges the employee has at home.

It's a form of cultural competence, but there are also cross-generational interactions that tend not to happen as much in school.  In school, kids spend most of the time with people their own age.  At home, they are spending most of their physical time with people of different ages.  There are great learning opportunities within this.  

In this article titled Children Interrupting Zoom Meetings Could Be the Reboot Corporate Culture Needed by the Guardian, they ask, "What if it took a virus to reboot our workplace cultures and humanize them?  To give our leaders and managers confidence that people can be trusted to deliver without having to put on suits and judged on what time they leave the office?  One of the things virtual meetings do is put us all in each other's homes. We try to look professional from the waist up. But when that two-year-old bursts in the boundaries between the workplace and the domestic space collapse."

In Conclusion

While not being at school has limited some aspects of formal education, the bigger opportunity for the "school of life" has emerged during this time.  With challenges, changes, and limitations, there is the opportunity to grow in compassion, learn cross-generational skills, and develop greater capacity for empathy. Ultimately, might we look back and say that the chances of a student becoming a lifelong learner who adds value to the world was actually enhanced through this time?